if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
