the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
