Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
