Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you bring me the toilet please
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
