Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
