there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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