I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
