we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
