Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
