and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
