i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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