yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
