When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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