he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
