So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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