I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
