im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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