I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
