Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
