Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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