I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
