I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
