I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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