Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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