i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
