Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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