You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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