I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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