Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
