Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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