Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
