Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
