I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
