She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
