He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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