just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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