I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
