cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize