Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Porn is love you can see.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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