i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You don't make any sense
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