i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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