great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
