Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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