Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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