I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
