She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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