Are we in a gay sports bar?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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