this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
