Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
