It's Friday. Sex?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
