I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
