Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
