Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
