why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
